Loopy Lou |

Horrible things have happened as a result of people following trends. Take the shell-suit, for example. A glorified plastic bag, but with colours that would make a drag-queen cry. Had experiments been conducted into the wearing of shell-suits and the big corporations not forced their advertising on us (the kind of experiment I was thinking about was locking people in rooms with shell-suits for a couple of days, and watching their panic rise: enough to suspect that shell-suits are a terrible thing) then no family would have felt like if they didn’t purchase a family-pack of shell-suits they were doing something terribly wrong. The other trend which springs to mind, which I am sure you have guessed, is dunking biscuits in tea. This sordid past-time has its roots in global biscuit firms. “Dunk your biccies it tastes good!” they said. What a ploy! Not only does it ruin the flavour of the tea (seriously it makes it taste like diesel), it perpetuates an idea that tea needs tampering with. TEA! The most sacred of things. If a family of lepers—nothing against lepers but their disease of course—came to your local swimming pool and said “we’d just like to have a swim, you won’t mind the bits of loose skin falling off will you?” Can you reasonably imagine yourself saying “Why would I mind? Please, the more the merrier!”?

I think we must be on the same page about now.

So, there are other more complex reasons why dunking biscuits in tea is a criminal misdemeanor. Contamination is one: what’s happening when you dunk a biscuit is that the tea is becoming infected with biscuit taste. Think it’s not a problem? Well, you’d be wrong. Through many years of abuse, tea flavour has changed and the generations have learned to accept this new flavour as correct. That means that when they taste tea the pure way it should be made, they think there’s something wrong with it!